Providence
by justamirror
Summary: Eclipse AU: I never understood how Bella could just walk right back into her house when Edward sabotaged her truck to keep her from going to La Push. Things only got worse from there. Here's my version.
1. Chapter 1

**Not mine. Not in the slightest. No copyright infringement intended; the author claims no copyright on the following story.**

**xxxx This story picks up in Eclipse. I never understood how Bella good just walk right back into her house when Edward sabotaged her truck to keep her from going to La Push. Things only got worse from there. Here's how I would have liked things to go. ooooo **

He turned my truck's alternator over in his hands slowly before dropping it to the ground and raising his calm features to meet my open mouthed stare. I narrowed my eyes and flung myself out of the truck, fuming.

"You do realize this is a little psychotic, Edward. Are you trying to keep me prisoner or something? Have you completely lost it?"

My words didn't faze him. If anything, he appeared even calmer.

"Bella, I should be asking you if _you've_ lost _your_ mind."

I gritted my teeth and groaned out a massive eye roll.

"Edward, Jacob isn't going to hurt me. We've been over this a thousand times...."

My voice cracked as unshed tears of frustration pinched at my throat and I closed my eyes in defeat. My shoulders slumped and my head fell forward. I couldn't do this anymore. I was so tired of having this argument.

"Bella," his tone wasn't the exasperated one I anticipated. It was a desperate one.

I looked up.

"Bella, I understand you need to see him. I do, but--

I slapped the palms of my hands to my thighs, channeling the force of my frustration, and cutting him off.

"Then why don't you just let me go! Why are you forcing me to choose between you and my only real friend?!"

The loud words shook loose the fat, angry tears that had been flooding my eyes.

His expression shifted their appearance, his features mirroring the resignation in his voice as he spoke in response.

"You don't have to choose, there's no choice left for you to make. I can't do this anymore."

I gasped, a buzzing sound filling my ears. My arms instinctively wrapped around my waist and I began to shake my head slowly from side to side. I clenched my eyes shut trying to push down the unpleasant images of the last time Edward had left me without a choice.

He was in front of me in an instant, his hands cradling my cheek and the nape of my neck. He shushed me softly, as if he could hear the panic bubbling up from my gut, and began rubbing soothing circles at the base of my skull with his thumb.

"Bella. You never have to choose between us because I will be at your side forever, as long as you want me there, no matter what. Please, believe me. I'm just asking you to listen to me for a minute."

I swallowed deeply, pushing down my fear, and looked into his eyes. In his dark wide pupils, I could see the reflection of my silhouette give a brief nod, trusting him without my consent.

"This isn't about the wolves Bella, not really. I need you to understand what it does to me to know that you're somewhere that I can't go if you need me. Alice can't see you when you're with them, and we can't cross into La Push to keep an eye on you."

Again, my anger flared up. I remembered back to the months where Edward's concern for my whereabouts was non-existent. I pushed off of his chest with angry arms. He released me swiftly.

"Edward, this is ridiculous. You don't need to know where I am every second of every day. Why are you being so--

—Victoria's back."

I froze, fear gripping my chest, and I began to hyperventilate. My eyes felt like they were vibrating and my field of vision narrowed in on Edward's face. Edward swiftly picked me up and sat me down on the steps of my porch, forcing my head between my knees and rubbing my back.

"Bella, breathe, it's going to be okay. You're safe."

I lifted my head to see him kneeling in front of me. My voice was no more than a choked whisper when I spoke.

"When?"

"Alice saw her coming this weekend. I've been afraid to tell you. I didn't want you to panic, but you need to know. Because as much as I wish I could keep you entirely safe on my own, I can't. Some of it's up to you. If you need to go to La Push, just tell me and I'll be waiting for you at the boundary line in case you need me. Please, just don't drop of the radar like this again."

I was silent for a minute before I exploded.

"_Fuck_ Edward!"

His eyebrows shot up with shock.

I didn't even blush at my choice of words. I was just so tired. I was tired of having things hidden from me, tired of having to assure everyone that I was capable of making decisions for myself, tired of being manipulated by the people that supposedly loved me best.

"You should have told me."

Edward nodded, "I'm sorry".

I sighed and rubbed my face with my hands, trying to clear my head. I was all over the place.

I now understood where all the tension of the past few days had come from. If I had known…

I shivered, remembering how close Victoria had come to catching up with me before. I couldn't imagine what my disappearing acts must have been doing to Edward….

The feelings of helplessness I experienced when I thought I might lose Edward forever crashed back down on me; I remembered sitting next to Alice on that plane, not knowing if we'd make it to Edward in time, having no idea whether a split second decision would take him away from me for good. And Edward, he had already thought he'd lost me. What he must have felt.

The horror of those moments would never fade for either one of us and I realized that every time I dropped off of Alice's radar I was forcing Edward to relive it. I felt disgusted with myself.

It was suddenly so clear. I didn't even have to think about my next words.

"Edward, I don't _ever _want to go _anywhere_ that you can't follow."

The statement hung heavily in the damp air between us.

We both realized their double meaning at the same moment and our eyes locked, the simple truth providing a bridge between us.

He spoke first.

"Okay."

It was one, quiet word, but the pain and hope I saw mixed in his expression told me that we were agreeing to much more than the conditions of my friendship with Jake.

"Okay," I whispered with relief.

I reached out to comfort him this time. I trailed my fingers down the side of his face and over his jaw, which relaxed under my touch. We had plenty to talk about, but for now it was enough. It was enough just to fall asleep that night with our arms wrapped around each other, separated only by my dreams.


	2. Chapter 2

**I own one horny husband and a tired old laptop. I don't own Twiligh****t. xoxoxo**

We decided to go to Florida anyway. Frankly, I was more than happy to get out of dodge if Victoria was planning on dropping by for a visit. It didn't stop me from worrying about Edward's family and the pack, but it was probably better that I was out of the way, and I decided to trust Edward's judgment on Victoria now that it didn't seem like he was hiding anything from me.

Hanging with Renee and Phil was nice. Better than expected. It was nice that they didn't hate Edward on principle. In fact, my mother was positively fawning over him. Phil was equally impressed, especially when Edward took advantage of heavy thunderstorm clouds and offered to pitch some balls with him. I had some fun walking on the beach with Renee and doing some shopping while they were at it, almost forgetting what I might be returning home to.

I was repacking my backpack, stuffing the souvenirs I had picked up for everyone into the front pocket, when Renee flopped down on the bed beside it with a sigh. Her brown eyes met mine, caramel and chocolate, and began to water. She smiled lightly and grabbed my hand.

"Baby," she sighed, "I'm going to miss you." I clammed up, tensing my jaw to keep my chin from trembling, and removed my hand from hers to finish zipping my bag.

With a tight smile I said, "Mom, you act like you're never going to see me again. Graduation is right around the corner, I'll see you then."

She gave a watery laugh, "That's not what I'm talking about Bella."

I looked over at her with surprise as she stood up and placed her hands on my shoulders, taking a deep breath and giving me a brighter smile.

"Just promise to invite me to the wedding."

Aghast, I huffed indignantly. Her smile only grew.

"What? No. What are you talking about? Edward and I aren't… I mean, we're not…."

My mother let go of a deep laugh and wrapped me tightly in her arms, pinning my stiff arms at my side.

"Oh Bella, you know, we're not as different as you always say we are. Except for one thing, you've got your father's heart."

With that she gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked out of the room, shaking her head and chuckling quietly to herself. I watched her retreat, my indignant expression melting into one of shocked surprise as I dropped to sit on the edge of the bed. Marriage wasn't exactly what I thought would be taking me away from my parents. But I had already promised myself to Edward for eternity hadn't I? Huh. The realization that the apple hadn't really fallen far from the maternal tree threw me for a loop.

I thought of Charlie, and smiled at my mother's comment. And then the horror set in. Suddenly, the thought of being hunted down by a vengeful vampire was not nearly as terrifying as the thought of having to tell Charlie I was planning to spend forever with Edward. No. Not happening in this lifetime. I buried the fear deep down and shook my head. Edward and I weren't going to get married any time soon. I mean, he couldn't possibly think we would get married before I disappeared from my human life, right? No. No way.

With that, I jumped up from the bed and gathered my things to bring out to the car where Edward and Phil appeared to be talking shop. Edward lifted his gaze above Phil's shoulder to watch me come down the tile steps of the front porch and I melted. His heartbreaking smile reached its way all the way up to his shining eyes. And it was just for me. I grinned back and practically floated my way over to throw my stuff in the trunk of Phil's vintage Camero.

The ride to the airport was uneventful. Edward and I were squished together in the back of the old car, our hands clasped between us. Renee chattered on about something, but it felt like I was listening to her from underwater, overcome by the feelings I had for Edward, but feeling buoyant at the same time, my conviction that Edward and I were meant for each other holding me up.

We said our goodbyes at curbside, hugs and kisses and handshakes, before we turned to walk into the terminal. I caught Renee and Phil's reflection in the sliding glass doors, their posture mimicking mine and Edwards. Phil's arm was draped across Renee's shoulders, holding her up as they too turned to leave. The men in our lives both dropped quick kisses to our foreheads at the same moment; the doors opened and we all vanished.

We moved through security quickly and made our way to the gate, spending the time we had until boarding looking through the pictures of our trip that we had captured on Edward's digital camera. I paused for a long time on a candid one of Renee and I goofing off at dinner one night, stifling the feeling of loss I experienced when the battery died and the screen went black.

As we boarded the plane I sighed lightly, trying to bury the anxiety that was creeping over me again. Edward was quick to notice and wrapped an arm around my shoulder again, giving me a light squeeze. I turned and wrapped my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his chest, content to believe that he was my personal superhero for the moment.

Settling into my wide, first-class seat, I tried to relax as we pushed back from the gate and eventually went airborne. I had balked when Edward upgraded our tickets, but he explained that it was more comfortable for him to sit in less confined quarters and I relented. Wouldn't want him to suffer, and all that. I put up a good front, but seriously, I wasn't exactly crushed when the flight attendant offered me a glass of champagne and a plate full of cheese and tropical fruit. Edward quirked his eyebrows as I cautiously sipped the bubbly beverage.

"What? You've always argued that I should experience more of life before settling down with you." I threw back a large gulp of the champagne and popped a piece of passion fruit in my mouth, puckering a bit at the combination of sweet and tart before groaning with satisfaction at the taste. He rolled his eyes with a grin and shrugged.

Two glasses later, I was nice and relaxed, if not a little bored. I looked sideways at Edward and admired the way the sculpted muscles of his forearms flowed from under the rolled up sleeves of his shirt. His fingers were lightly tapping out a rhythm on his thigh and I zoned in on them, wishing I could place them on my thigh instead. I blushed at the thought and crossed my legs and arms in attempt to keep from launching myself at him. He noticed me squirming in my seat and threw me questioning glance.

"You're so hot," I blurted. I should have been mortified, but I don't remember feeling that way at all. Champagne was great.

Edward chuckled and moved in closer, his lips poised right below my earlobe. His cool breath tickled my neck and I thought I might burst into flames.

"Bella," he whispered, "I'm lucky there are all these people around, or else I might let you take advantage of me in your drunken state."

I scowled at him. As if.

I opened my mouth to retort, but was interrupted by the flight attendant, who was now offering warm cookies and milk. I greedily accepted her offer and shoveled the buttery, gooey treats into my mouth without giving Edward another glance. I only noticed him staring as I sucked the last bit of chocolate off of my thumb.

"Wanna taste?" I asked wryly.

"You have no idea," he replied in a low voice.

I smirked and gave myself an inner high five before reaching up to turn off my overhead light and snuggling into my blanket for a nap. Take that Tease McGee.

At least_ I_ could dream.

I woke up to Edward's voice, "Wake up Sleeping Beauty, we're almost home".

I mumbled without opening my eyes, "Doesn't work that way. Prince charming needs to kiss me first." I felt his cool lips on my cheek, and then my nose, and then my lips. My eyes fluttered open and I smiled up at him. He was better than a dream. I kissed him back before yawning and sitting up.

Ugh. I didn't feel like Sleeping Beauty at all. My head was pounding and my mouth was dry. I squinted around the cabin, reaching for my bottle of water and chugging it down.

Edward smirked at me. "I guess I could have warned you that the altitude would affect your alcohol tolerance."

I groaned and leaned my head over onto the cool glass of the window and looked down through the clouds at the rapidly approaching city lights.

Suddenly, Edward stiffened at my side. I looked over at him with alarm and he grabbed my hand reassuringly. I waited for him to explain.

"Bella," he paused as if listening in on something, "Jake and Charlie are waiting for us down there." He stopped again, looking pained.

"Edward, tell me. Tell me right now." I was beginning to panic.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. It's Billy." I looked up at him with a bewildered expression.

"Billy's…..?"

He nodded and watched my face carefully. I was stunned. Billy and I had not been close, but he was my father's best friend. And Jake's dad. My heart broke.

"Do you want to know what happened?"

I shook my head. I'd rather hear it from Jake and my dad directly. We touched down on the ground moments later. I couldn't get off the plane fast enough and tore through the terminal, my loose shoelaces smacking the linoleum floors with every quick stride.

Before we exited the gate area, Edward held me back for a moment.

"Bella, remember, you don't know about this yet. Charlie won't understand how you know."

I nodded mutely and caught my breath, relaxing my features into a calm expression. I gripped Edward's hand and walked down the ramp toward the exit door. Jake and Charlie were on the other side. We pushed through and they both looked up in my direction. They looked like hell.

I mustered up my most surprised tone and gave a confused half-smile "Dad. Jake. What are you doing here?" I looked at Jake and couldn't hide the concern on my face any longer. Our tearful eyes locked together.

"Billy's gone Bella." My father's voice cut through the tense silence. Edward squeezed my hand.

"Jake," I croaked.

Edward gently loosened my hand from his grip and nudged me in Jake's direction. I didn't need to be told twice. I dropped my backpack and rushed at Jake, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry Jake." He choked out a sob and clung to me, his hot tears dripping silently onto my shoulder.

I heard Edward's voice behind me.

"My condolences, Chief Swan. I've got my car here; I'll just head home on my own and give you some time together as a family."

I heard Charlie clear his throat and mutter his thanks, and then I felt a cool hand on my shoulder.

"Bella" he whispered softly, "I'll see you later. I love you."

Then louder, "Jacob, If there's anything I can do….."

I felt Jake tense under my arms and then shake his head angrily before pushing me away from him.

"Your family has done enough already," Jake seethed before turning and stalking out of the terminal.

I looked over at Edward questioningly and he gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, glancing over to Charlie in the process. I'd have to wait for answers.

"Goodnight Chief."

"Goodbye Edward…thanks for getting her home safe."

My eyes watered with emotion at the simple acknowledgement. Edward nodded, gave me a peck on the forehead and a reassuring look before turning and leaving through the same doors Jake had stormed out of a minute before.

"Dad," I turned to Charlie and gave him a hug. He hugged me back fiercely.

"I'm so sorry," his grip on me tightened.

"It's okay Bells. I'm just glad you're home."

"Me too."

The drive home in the cruiser was silent. Jake was in the back seat, pretending to sleep, but I could see that he was alert, the angry flare of his nostrils and the tightly clenched fists of his hands giving him away. Charlie and I were in the front.

"Dad, can you tell me what happened?" I said softly.

Charlie looked in the rearview mirror and then looked over at me as if he wasn't sure what he should tell me.

"It was an animal attack. Maybe wolves? They got him to the hospital but it was too late."

My breath caught and I looked over my shoulder into the backseat where Jake was huddled into the corner.

"Jake's going to be staying with us for a while Bells. His sister is going to be in town for the memorial and then he'll probably be leaving with her."

I didn't say anything back and the silent ride went on. My mind was racing with possible explanations for what had happened, but I knew I would have to wait for answers.

When we got back to our house, Jake was out of the car and up the steps first. He waited for Charlie to unlock the door and walked straight into Charlie's den, where a cot was set up for him, and closed the door.

"Bells, I think Jake just needs a little space. Give him some time to himself. I know you aren't on the best terms right now, but he could really use a friend."

"Okay." I wrung my hands nervously in front of me.

"Are you hungry Dad? I could make you some dinner?"

"No, but if you are…"

"No, I ate on the plane." It was hard to believe that two hours ago I was stuffing my face with cookies and milk, plotting to seduce my boyfriend on a plane. We made our way to the top of the stairs together and stopped.

"Okay Bells, well, goodnight."

"Goodnight Dad."

Charlie stepped into his room and closed the door. The springs of his bed groaned and I heard the thump of his shoes as they hit the floor. I waited there in the hallway, feeling alone and confused, listening to the silence of the house with all of its occupants sleepless in the dark—not just the one that quietly stepped out of shadows and lifted me into his arms.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Just having some fun.**

**Short chapter. I probably could have tacked this onto the last one, but I thought this conversation needed to stand on its own.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

Back in the warmly lit cocoon of my bedroom, Edward placed me on my bed and bent to take my shoes off. I looked down at the tangle of bronze in front of me and ran my fingers through it. He gave me a small smile before pulling the covers down and then pulling them over me. Taking the spot on the bed to my left, he leaned against the headboard and watched me. I toed off my socks and kicked them out from under the covers and then I wiggled out of my jeans and threw them in an exhausted heap on the floor. With a tired huff, I rolled to my side to face Edward.

"What happened?" I asked in a flat tone.

He didn't hesitate before answering, the time for stalling long since passed.

"Victoria. Alice knew she was coming, but she could only see her in flashes because of the wolves. There was no way she could have known what would happen. By the time Alice had a vision of Victoria headed toward our house, it was too late. We're guessing Victoria was tracking your scent and went to Jacob's house first. Billy was there alone and she attacked him. The wolves didn't get there in time."

My stomach dropped. It was my fault. She was looking for me and found Billy instead. Oh God. I felt sick. I squeezed my eyes shut and began shaking my head, despair taking over. My fingers curled into my palms and my nails bit into the soft flesh. I curled them tighter, focusing on the sharp pain in order to keep my hysterics at bay.

"Bella, whatever you're thinking, stop. It's not your fault. You can't hold yourself responsible for this. Bad things happen to good people, and bad people will always do bad things."

I wanted to believe him, but I was still choking on my guilt and couldn't even meet his eyes.

"Believe me Bella. Punishing yourself for things that are beyond your control isn't going to make things better. You have to stop it. You haven't done anything wrong. James did. Victoria has."

He was right of course, I was punishing myself. But didn't I deserve it? Did I do the wrong thing by loving the wrong person? Was it ever wrong to love somebody? And was there anything I could do about it? I didn't seem like there was. Trying to calm myself, I took a deep breath and moved one of my hands to roughly toy with a button on Edward's shirt. I watched the threads slowly unravel as I picked and twisted at it.

"Do you really believe that?" I asked with a shaky breath.

"Well, it's taken me the better part of a century to accept it."

He paused before speaking again.

" I've never told you why I left Carlisle all those years ago."

I looked up at him in surprise; this wasn't a topic we ever really discussed. Edward didn't meet my eyes, but stared straight ahead, his expression tight and focused.

"I left him for the same reasons I left you."

My fingers picked at the button more vigorously.

"They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions; well, I've always had the _best_ of intentions. I thought I was doing the right thing, I felt like I had a responsibility...but I was just avoiding the truth. I've always had a difficult time accepting that anything was out of my control. I only ended up hurting innocent people in the end—the people left behind…my family, the families of the wretched people I murdered, and even myself. It wasn't a happy existence. And with you, when I left you... if you hadn't saved me from myself…."

The shirt button flew off and hit the wood floor, bouncing and rolling until the room was silent again. My fingers stilled as his words sunk in and I remembered the terror I felt when Alice told me there was a good chance we were going to lose him forever. I'd known then that I couldn't just choose to stop loving Edward. I'd never regret saving him, just as he couldn't regret saving me. Every time. I guess it was that simple.

"Edward. I love you." His soulful eyes me mine and he smiled through the veil of sorrow that masked his features.

"I'll spend the rest of eternity loving you for that Bella. That's something that will never change."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

**AN: So, if you haven't noticed yet. Edward is definitely OOC in this fic. I always thought that SM didn't do a very good job showing how Edward's love for Bella changed him. If anything, he became less accepting of himself through the series, and that was strange to me. I always thought Bella's love for Edward would give him hope and the kind of acceptance that that Carlisle acheived. Thoughts? Next chapter is already written, but I'll post it once I've got a couple more in the hopper.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: The plot thickens. Hope you like it. **

**Standard disclaimers apply.**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

The rest of the evening had been quiet. Edward and I were each wrapped in our own thoughts. Mine had drifted to Jake, and I was a little surprised that Jake would tolerate Edward's presence in the house. I asked Edward to tell me what Jake was thinking. He told me that there were things that he thought Jake should explain to me himself. I didn't push, respecting Edward's choice to give Jake some privacy.

When I woke I found Edward sitting on the window sill, the black sky only just beginning to grey behind him. He stood and leaned over the bed to kiss my cheek.

"I'm heading out. You'll probably want to stay here…you'll be safe with Jake. I won't be far."

I nodded. I had to face Jake today. I tried to remember everything Edward had told me the night before as I swallowed back the guilty bile that accompanied that thought. All I could do was try to be good to the people I cared about; the rest was out of my control.

I didn't want Edward to leave, I needed him, but Jake and my Dad needed me today.

"Okay. Um, Edward?" He looked at me patiently as I mustered up some courage.

I was sure what I was about to say would shock the shimmer out of him.

"Can you leave me your cell phone? I…erm…I want you to be able to get in touch with me if you need me, or if I need to get in touch with you….."

His stunned expression confirmed my suspicions. Either that, or I had offended him by presuming he'd be okay with it. I started backtracking.

"I'll pay you ba—

—No. Here, take mine."

He shoved the slim silver gadget in my hand before I could finish my sentence. I breathed a sigh of relief and muttered quick thanks, feeling childish at my persistent reluctance to ask for and accept things from him.

He was standing now with his hand rubbing the back of his neck, looking sheepish.

"Would you be upset if I told you that I already took the liberty of buying one for you……..actually……..that one?"

I laughed lightly and rolled my eyes. Of course.

"Look on the back."

I flipped it over and noted the engraving. _Yours._

Smiling now, I looked up at him, "Can I engrave yours?"

"What would it say?"

"_Mine._"

Edward rolled his head back in a silent laugh.

"Oh Bella, always."

We grinned goofily at one another for a few seconds before Edward's features smoothed out and became serious again.

"Remember what we talked about." I bit my lip and nodded my head assuring him that I did.

"I promise." Hi fingers traced my cheek softly and I closed my eyes at the tenderness in his touch. By the time I opened them, he was gone.

Sighing deeply, I threw off the bed covers and stood up to gather clean clothes. I pulled on a pair of sweats and slipped my arms into my fleece jacket, sliding my new phone into a pocket, and then padded down the hall toward the bathroom to brush my teeth. I eschewed socks; the cold tiles under my feet reminded me of Edward. I shook my head disapprovingly at myself in the mirror. I was truly absurd.

After brushing my teeth, I flossed thoroughly, and rinsed. Then, I washed my face. And applied lotion to my face. And lip balm, two layers of lip balm. And then I brushed my hair. And braided it. Into pigtails. I was seriously eyeing the pouch of makeup I had never ever used when I heard the floorboards in the hallway creak.

I guess I couldn't put it off any longer. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the tempest in my stomach, and gently pushed the door open into the hall. Charlie was exiting his bedroom, still dressed in his rumpled clothes from the night before, and rubbing the sand from his bloodshot eyes.

He saw me and quickly covered the grief on his face with a look of mock surprise before stating too brightly, "Well, you're up early Bells, I didn't hear you get up."

I knew he was lying, the exhaustion on his face clearly giving away his sleepless night. We usually avoided each other in the morning; the steam on the shared bathroom mirror was Charlie's usual morning greeting. Uncomfortable at seeing Charlie like this, my eyes watered up at the thought that maybe this was Charlie's way of telling me he needed me.

"Hey Dad. I'll go make some coffee for you to take with you when you leave." I took two quick steps, planting a quick kiss on Charlie's cheek before ducking my head and passing by him to reach the stairs. His rough, warm hand ruffled the top of my head as I passed, loosening some of my tightly braided hair.

My quick barefoot steps down the staircase and the soft click of the bathroom door upstairs were the only sounds I heard as I focused on making my way to the kitchen. I tiptoed down the wood paneled hallway leading from the entry way to the back of the house, sighing with relief at the closed door of Charlie's den on my left, before turning the corner and heading into the kitchen.

I flipped on the lights and quietly assembled the coffee and milk, mugs, bowls and spoons, deciding to bring down an extra of each. Setting it all down on the small round table in the center of the kitchen, I turned and stretched onto my toes to reach above the refrigerator for a box of cereal, passing up the Count Chocula in favor of something less ridiculous.

As the coffee brewed, I rested on my elbows at the sink, and stared through the dusty window into the backyard, my eyes drawn to the longer grass growing up the legs of the rusty old swing set in the corner of the yard. A constant assault of rain had faded the formerly bright blue candy-cane stripes winding up the A-frame to a bleak grey.

I remembered a time when Jake and I had sat on those swings together; it was probably during the last trip I had taken to Forks to visit Charlie before I had come back for good. I was probably about twelve, Jake a couple of years younger. Back then, I was taller and stronger than him and I remembered the way he idolized me for being able to push myself so high that the chains would go slack and snap tight after achieving one second of free-fall. Daredevils together, even then.

Wrapped up in my memories, I jumped at the sound of a throat clearing behind me spun around to see Jake standing at the kitchen entrance. I didn't say anything as he avoided my eyes and sat down at the table with his back to me, poured himself a bowl of cereal, then proceeded to poke at with his spoon without actually consuming any. This was his way of saying he didn't blame me, and I almost wept at the gratitude I felt for my friend who had given up so much for me. I walked up behind him, wrapping my arms around his neck and pressing my cold wet cheek to his warm one.

"Love you Jake." He leaned into me and our tears mixed together like the raindrops now running down the kitchen window. I held him until his breathing relaxed and then took a seat next to him, filling my bowl with cereal. I felt the vibrations of Charlie's boot clad footsteps on the balls of my feet as I heard him coming down the hall and turned as he entered and made a beeline for the coffee pot, his back to us. After a moment he set his mug down with a thunk and turned with a concerned face.

"Kids," he started, "I have to head to the station. Jake, you can stay here as long as you want to. I think Sue is coming by in a couple of hours to see you. Bells, you can stay home from school today ..."

Jake and I both nodded our understanding and Charlie took a deep breath before stepping away from the counter behind him and over to Jake; he gave Jake's neck a quick squeeze before looking over to me with emotion filled eyes.

"Take care of each other. Call me if you need me." Charlie was holding it together by a thread. I swallowed back my tears and nodded my head vigorously, trying to assure him that we would be okay. He nodded back and starting walking out of the kitchen.

"Love you Dad." His steps paused.

"More than anything Bells," and with, he was gone.

"Jake," I started, but didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry." The words tumbled from my mouth reflexively. I didn't even know what I was apologizing for, I just couldn't stop myself.

He shrugged, and spoke without looking up. "There's nothing for _you_ to be sorry about Bella." I caught his inflection and bristled, but kept my mouth shut. I needed to hear him out.

He swallowed thickly and gasped, "I just wish…." He looked as lost as I'm sure I did.

"Bella, I can't lose you too. Please. I can't…."

I felt the weight of my obligations to the people I loved hang a little heavier around my neck at his words. I was choking on my helplessness. All of Edward's words about guilt, and providence, and love swirled in my head and I tried to make sense of everything, tried to figure out a way to keep all of my promises—to Jake, to my parents, to Edward, to myself. I shook my head and said the only thing I could.

"You won't."

He shook his head, frustrated, as if I hadn't understood him properly.

"No Bella. I mean…" He closed his eyes. "I'm okay. I'm okay with you…becoming…if you...if we can't….."

My eyes widened with shock at what I was hearing. He opened his eyes, a grim expression on his face as he spoke clearly for the first time that morning.

"Death is worse."

**oooooooooo**

**I haven't heard from any you readers, though I see a bunch of people reading this. Do you like it? I'd love to know what you think :) Next chapter up on Monday. **


	5. Chapter 5

I was reeling with what Jake had just revealed to me. It was completely unexpected. I stared at him with a furrowed brow. There had to be more that he wasn't telling me.

"What happened Jake?"

His face crumpled and he slumped forward onto the table, hiding his tears in the crook of his elbow.

"It wasn't Victoria…" his voice was muffled by his arms so I wasn't sure what I was hearing.

"What? What are you talking about?"

He let out a terrible sob, his body jumping at each strangled breath he took. I was frozen, my hands gripping my seat.

"I watched. I watched them tear him apart. My own father." He moaned, and continued to sob into the table. The dots slowly began connecting in my head…

He lifted his face from behind his arms. I had never seen a person so wholly destroyed as he was right then. His face was wet with tears and snot and his hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead. He was near hysterics.

"Bella. I won't let the pack do that to you too."

The truth knocked the wind out of me. I stared at Jake with a gaping mouth.

"Are you saying the pack...?" My voice was no more than whisper.

"She bit him! She bit him and they tore him apart after she got away!" He wailed the words out, his sobs choking the words off.

He slammed his shaking fists onto the table, cracking the wood neatly up the middle, before pushing away and tearing out of the kitchen. I heard the back door fly open, hitting the side of the house, and slam shut.

I felt sick. The room began whirling around me as I processed what Jake had told me. That they would do that to Billy, in front of Jacob, made my head spin. That they would do it to me….

The last thing I remember was watching my vomit splatter the speckled linoleum floor before everything went dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

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I woke up disoriented, a persistent buzzing drawing me out of the disturbing dream. That's what it was right, a dream? I desperately hoped.

As my senses returned to me, the hope vanished. My head was throbbing where I had smacked it on the table as I fell to the floor. Mercifully, I had avoided the puddle of sick in front of me. I grabbed the seat of the yellow vinyl covered chair closest to me and pulled myself up into a sitting position. By the dim grey light in the kitchen, I was relieved to note that it was still morning. I probed my forehead, assessing the golf-ball sized lump near my hairline. It was tender, but thankfully there was no blood.

I sat there, dumbly, my thoughts blank, as I scanned my surroundings. I noted the back door was ajar. Jake had slammed it so hard it had bounced back open when he ran out.

With that thought, the details of our conversation came back to me.

What does a person do when every choice they have presents a new and more horrifying result? If Victoria didn't get me, the Volturi would. If we could appease the Volturi, the wolf pack would be on our heels, ready to end us. Surely I would not be an exception to either of their rules.

Human or vampire, my number appeared to be up.

A normal person would be anxious about this revelation, but I'd left normal back in Arizona. I felt strangely giddy. Things were out of my control now. I would just stop thinking about what I should do, and do what I wanted from now on. Doomsday countdown initiated.

My phone rattled on the floor next to me. Edward. Yikes. Pushing myself up off of the ground, I hit the speaker button and set the phone down on the table while I went to fetch the mop. I turned on the hot water and dropped the bucket in the sink to let it fill.

"Bella?"

"I'm fine. Nothing to see here."

Wringing out the mop, I began passing it over the floor.

"Interesting choice of words."

"How so?"

"I'm seeing a lot from where I'm sitting."

I plunged the mop into the bucket with a plop, a bit of the water splashing onto my sweats.

"Like what?"

"You tell me."

My face burned. Alice. Of course she would have seen what the first order of business on my bucket list was.

I gripped the mop handle tightly and leaned on it for support.

"I'd rather show you," I breathed, surprised at the seductive lilt in my voice. And suddenly, I was on fire, every nerve ending in my body tingling with anticipation as I waited for his response.

"Edward?"

I thought I heard him mutter a low oath in response.

"I'd like that Bella, you have no idea how much."

My jaw dropped. And so did my stomach. The mop clattered to the floor.

"You...would? I wasn't sure..." I trailed off.

"Bella, I may not be human, but I am a man. And, well, I'm tired of fighting fate. It hasn't worked so far..."

"My thoughts exactly" I interjected enthusiastically.

"But Bella, perhaps a slight deviation from your plan is in order. Do you trust me?".

I thought about it. I knew I wanted to trust him, and that I could choose to trust him, if that's what I really wanted. And if I got burned... Well, life was suddenly too short.

"I do," even if it wasn't smart, it felt amazing to just let go.

"You have no idea how happy hearing you say that makes me."

"What's there to lose? I'll see you tonight?"

"Not tonight". I pushed down the feeling of dread that those two words evoked, avoiding the memory of the last time he said them to me. I picked up the mop and wrung it out aggressively.

"When?" I asked, as I passed the mop under the table in rhythmic strokes.

"Tomorrow morning, early, be ready to go away for the weekend. Alice has it covered with Charley. You're having a slumber party while the rest of us are camping."

My pulse quickened, and Edward laughed softly. Could he hear that through the phone? A clandestine weekend with Edward. Holy Crow. I swayed a little and plopped down on one of the yellow chairs. It wheezed as my butt made contact with the padded vinyl...or was that the air coming out of my suddenly constricted chest? Was I panting?

"Can't wait," I nervously murmured.

"Patience."

"Not a human virtue I'm familiar with."

"Don't I know it."

"Do you enjoy torturing me?"

"Just a little."

"Well, I don't have a lot of time to waste like SOME people."

"I'm not a person"

"Well you're certainly being inhumane. Give me a hint."

"You're too clever for hints. If I give you one, you won't stop until you've spoiled the surprise."

He was right. And prolonging this conversation with him was making me more impatient to see him again.

"I have to go. Tell Alice to get over here."

I needed to see her pronto.

"She's not going to tell you anything."

"I wasn't going to ask."

"Sure you were. She's on her way."

"Goodbye Edward."

I cut off his laughter with a push of a button. Stupid teasing vampire.

I sighed and shook my head, trying to wipe the absurd grin off my face. I HATED surprises. Didn't I? Who was I kidding? I was ridiculously excited. A number of scenarios played through my head as I methodically put the kitchen to rights, each one more blush inducing than the next.

I heard the front door open as I was pouring the dirty mop water down the sink.

"In the kitchen Alice!"

I turned on the faucet, hit the switch for the garbage disposal, watching the murky water swirl noisily down the drain.

"Okay Alice," I commanded as I leaned over to turn off the switch, "spill it".

I turned to look at her with my arms crossed in front of my chest and my best shot at an intimidating glare.

My hands dropped to my sides as my expression fell.

Not Alice.

Damn it, this was going to hurt.


End file.
